Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
