why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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