I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
