Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
