So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
