it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
