I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
