they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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