Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
