yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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