1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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