I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
