last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
