Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
