Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
