never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
