imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
