i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
