Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
