Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
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Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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