I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
