Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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