you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
