I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
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theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I AM VODKA MAN
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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