if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
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Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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