I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
