i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
