I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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