Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
