Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
