im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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