So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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