do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
