Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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