is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
