If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
