if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
