Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
