The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
