Betty ford says i'm here all night
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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