I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
