No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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