I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
