why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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