I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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