my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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