i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
