you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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