Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
