if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
