So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
