I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
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RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
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No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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