why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
