can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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