sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
