Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
