What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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