Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
