YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
