I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
