There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We are two peas in an std pod
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Randomize
