That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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