I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
