K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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