saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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