dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
