Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
even my farts smell like vagina
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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