i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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