Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
