Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
