so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
