I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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