My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
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i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
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You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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