How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
