I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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