so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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