I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
PANTIES FOUND
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