she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
