I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
