i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
