she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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