Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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