Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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