you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
