If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Rumble strips road head = magical
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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