I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
