Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
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It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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