update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
