i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She bit a glass in half.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
