last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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