Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
